Monday, June 23

Today was all about Auo, in a set of odd ways. I woke up from a realistic half-way dream after being almost awake for several minutes. As I woke Auo was walking across a field towards me in that particular way she had when she was not she if she was about to be bored or interested. She was playing with a long stick of grass in her hands and half looking at that and half looking at me. Here she comes, I thought as I woke up, and for a moment I forgot that she was dead and, without thinking that it was anything unusual, expected her to be asleep in the other room.

I took me a moment or two to realise that that was not the case.

The morning was filled with heavy rain and I set and read the next part of my thesis, until Irma range and read me a message that Olivia had left on Auo’s Facebook page just before she left for Washington. We were both crying by the time that Irma finished reading it. I was sad for Olivia but I was even sadder about all the possible futures that won’t happen now.

Then Irma got an unexpected letter in the mail containing a science notebook of Auo’s that the rector had found in school.

The rain stopped and I went to paint the new toilet while I could. I spent three hours or so doing most of the red, in a light drizzle, until it started raining properly again. Now I am walking back to the house and I can see the overhead wires in the puddles.

Irma and Naa will arrive from Helsinki. Irma will bring the science book with her and I will read through it while she prepares pasta. One of the three things that Auo learned from native cultures, apparently, is “be happy with what you have got”.

Naa has almost recovered from her throat infection but is going to sleep in the main house until a dry, summer period arrives – if it does.

After dinner Irma will leave for Helsinki, where her new iPad has arrived, and Naa and I will wave her goodbye. Naa will sleep in Auo’s old bed: the one I imagined Auo was in this morning.