Saturday, December 6
We got up late after a very long night’s sleep. After breakfast Irma left for work, where she was attending a theatre event. I cleaned and tidied.
Looking out of Naa’s window I saw the flowers from last weekend. To my surprise they had neither blown away not been torn apart. They were there looking slightly less alive. Now I am outside looking at them. A week of snow and rain has faded them, and turned the leaves they are laying on a darker brown. but they are still here.
At about 18:00 Naa and Irma will arrive within minutes of each other and we will start cooking. Tonight we will have a variety of local sausages. After this we will watch the Independence Day ball, in the hope of seeing Tarkku and Calle, and then sit talking until the middle of the night. We will talk of Auo and how the approach of Christmas makes the fact that she is no longer here more obvious and more painful. Naa is adult enough that she no longer jumps up and down in anticipation of her presents. The fact that nobody is jumping up and down or writing detailed lists is horribly obvious.
There is nothing we can do about it except argue about whether it is worth bothering to make an effort or not. Irma feels, I think that it is pointless making an effort, and I feel that not making an effort is giving in. Neither of us are right, and neither or us are wrong. Irma says that she doesn’t want any presents even though she has bought me a present. I feel that this is unfair. It is and it isn’t.
There are no answers to any of this stuff.